Love Me When I'm Gone
by numbuh310alltheway
Summary: Hoagie wants someone to love him when he's gone. Who would that be? Song fic.


**A/N: This is a one shot featuring a song.**

**I love doing these. Hope you enjoy! : )**

**Song: When I'm Gone by 3 Doors Down**

* * *

_I looked up at him. He was leaving again. He was leaving me, my mom, and my brother behind. I hugged his neck, tears rolled down my cheeks. He kissed my head and smiled at me. My eyes drifted down to the ground and my mom held my shoulder, Tommy in her arms. My dad kissed Tommy's auburn hair and then my mom's cheek. She kissed him again and looked sadly at him. _

_My dad was one of the pilots for the army and he was needed in the field._

"_I'm sorry, Hoagie. Just remember everything I've told you." He smiled at me awkwardly and pulled a large back pack over his shoulder and left. I stared after him and cried. My mother hugged me close to her and we walked back into the house. She fixed me a sandwich, but for some reason I wasn't all that hungry. I just stabbed the bread several times with my fork. She looked sadly at me and went to put Tommy down for his nap._

* * *

"You understand don't you? Guys?" I stared at my friends, looking for a response.

Nigel crossed his arms and nodded at me.

Kuki had her hands up to her mouth, tears forming in her violet eyes. She nodded slowly. I nodded toward her and she hugged me quickly. I wrapped my arms around her and let go.

Wally had his hands shoved in his pockets, looking away. I touched his shoulder and he looked at me, tears in the corner of his emerald orbs. It broke my heart to see my best friends so choked up with me leaving. But they wouldn't understand. I never told them about why my father was never around. There was a whole other world living inside of me. They never saw it and never would.

I had secrets that they never cracked out of me, but I couldn't hide them now. Darkness overcame my dreams and I knew I had to do this. It was too far away for them to understand any of it.

_Or maybe you're blind?_

I shook my head when the thought came to my mind as I set my blue eyes on my other friend, Abigail Lincoln. She covered her eyes with the brim of her red cap, her arms were crossed and her face was red with anger.

_**There's another world inside of me  
**__**That you may never see  
**__**There're secrets in this life  
**__**That I can't hide**_

_****__**Somewhere in this darkness  
**__**There's a light that I can't find  
**__**Or maybe it's too far away  
**__**Or maybe I'm just blind  
**__**Or maybe I'm just blind**_

I gently put my hand on her shoulder and she tensed.

"Abs." I whispered to the friend of mine. She lifted her gaze up and tears flowed from her brown eyes. I felt like crying too at the sight of her. She gave a pouty lip and glared at me angrily. She pointed her finger in my chest and got up in my face.

"How could you do this to Abby? She doesn't deserve to lose her best friend because of his stupidity. Do you hear me Hoagie Pennywhistle Gilligan Jr.! ? I don't deserve this!" She yelled and started crying. I held her in my arms and she hugged onto me. "Abby doesn't want to see any of her friends get hurt. Especially you. You're one of Abby's best friends, Hoagie, and I can't bare seeing you get killed." She wiped her tears and looked into my eyes. I looked down. She wrapped her long arms around my waist and held me tight. It's like she knew I needed to be held now.

"Abby, I have to do this. So please think of me everyday. I know this might be wrong, but I know it will do right. I'm just as scared as you are. And I want you and Nigel, and Wally, and Kuki, _everybody_ to love me when I'm gone. I have to do this. It's what I was raised to do. It's who I am, and everything in me tells me that I have to do this. You wanted me to be my own person, so as my own person, I choose to go do this. I promise I won't let you guys down." I looked at all four of them.

Kuki walked up to me.

"You can't keep that promise. I can tell." She said to me, her hands together and eyes closed.

"Uh, even if I can't, I would give everything up for the good of you guys. So before I leave, one last group hug, and I'm telling yah, this might be wrong for me, but I'm sure it's right for everyone. We're all scared, but don't worry. I'll be fine." They looked at me and then at one another.

They all latched onto me and we hugged.

As I let go, Abby ran off back to the tree house. My expression saddened and a tear ran down my face. I wiped it away and looked back one last time. Nigel had ran after Abby, and Wally and Kuki were walking slowly away, tears streaming down their sad faces.

"_You guys won't always be there, that's why I'm doing it for you." _I said in my head. _"So love me when I'm gone so I know I'll be loved if I don't return."_

_**So hold me when I'm here  
**__**Right me when I'm wrong  
**__**Hold me when I'm scared  
**__**And love me when I'm gone**_

_**Everything I am  
**__**And everything in me  
**__**Wants to be the one  
**__**You wanted me to be**_

_**I'll never let you down  
**__**Even if I could  
**__**I'd give up everything  
**__**If only for your good**_

_****__**So hold me when I'm here  
**__**Right me when I'm wrong  
**__**You can hold me when I'm scared  
**__**You won't always be there  
**__**So love me when I'm gone  
**__**Love me when I'm gone**_

"Gilligan! Run! Hurry!"

I darted around on the ground, clutching a gun in my hands. I pushed up my helmet and looked around frantically. Soldiers were running around like crazy, trying to not get shot. I started off again and saw my friend, Patton, making his way over to me. We crouched down and looked at one another.

"Thanks for the heads up, Pat. I didn't even see that bullet aiming for me. You really saved my life back there." I thanked the black haired teenager. He checked around the corner of our hiding place, then nodded toward me. I smiled at him and he stared at me hard. "Why are you looking at me like that?" I questioned him. He shook his head.

"You seem distracted. You need to cut it out or you're gonna get killed." He stood up and I followed him as we snuck around to find our base. I looked at Patton. He couldn't see through me. I was a mess, but was covering up with being confused about everything. I couldn't tell him any of this. He'd think I was a loser, even though he is my friend.

My thoughts were always filled with blackness, and I was always alone, but still alive. I was still fighting over whether this was what I was _suppose_ to do. But a part me was always missing and this seemed like my calling.

_**When your education X-Ray  
**__**Cannot see under my skin  
**__**I won't tell you a _ _ _ _ thing  
**__**That I could not tell my friends**_

_****__**Roaming through this darkness  
**__**I'm alive but I'm alone  
**__**And part of me is fighting this  
**__**But part of me is gone**_

Patton reached for his gun and started shooting at the enemies. I played along with him and shot out my bullets. He nodded at me as I was staying focused. Then I felt a pain rush into my chest. My head whirled and I grabbed Patton's shirt. He shot out another bullet and looked at me.

He laid his gun down quickly and held me up.

Blood oozed from my chest and I gripped Patton's clothing more. He looked around for help, but no one was near. I started crying loudly. Patton shook me, but I kept on spilling out tears. I cried into his shirt and he took off one of my shirts and wrapped it around my wound. The tears still came as I fell backwards on to the ground.

"Hoagie! Come on, man. Don't do this to me! Wake up! Don't do this to me. Don't do this to Nigel, and Wally, and Kuki, and your family. Don't do this, man! Don't do this to Abby!" He shook me frantically and I looked up at him at the mention of Abby's name.

He smiled at me and threw me over his shoulders.

His legs made a mad dash for the base. I just looked as the world blurred before me. Men and woman were all around, gun shots were sounded, and curses were heard as Patton brought me into a medical tent. The nurse quickly examined me and bandaged up my wound. A bullet had cut through me skin and the bleeding was the only bad part right now.

I turned my head to face Patton.

"If I don't make it. Tell Abby to always hold me, right the wrong I have caused in my life, hold me when I'm scared, and to always, and I repeat, _ALWAYS LOVE ME_." He looked at me confusingly.

"I don't understand Hoags. How can she hold you and stuff if you're not here?"

His face saddened as I gripped my wound as it started bleeding again. The nurse quickly readied the bandages and kept an eye on them. I looked up at Patton. "She can always. I will always have a very special place in her heart, I just know it. With that special place she knows I'll always be there with her and that she can care for me. I just want you to tell her, Pat. I did all this mainly for her, because I thought it was for her own good, but I was wrong. She didn't want me to become this." I showed him my body. He nodded.

I sighed and laid my head back.

"I am such an idiot. I let everyone down, and I have anyone to hold me, to tell me what I did wrong, to help me when I'm scared, or to… love." Patton's eyes softened and he patted my leg gently. I smiled up at him. "No one can be here forever. Not even me." I looked down and put my head in the palms of my hands.

"But you have someone who loves you, Hoags."

I cocked a brow at my friend.

"What? Who?" I questioned him.

"Abby."

My breathing stopped. I knew Abby had a special place for me in her heart, but did she actually love me? Was I that blind?

_**So hold me when I'm here  
**__**Right me when I'm wrong  
**__**Hold me when I'm scared  
**__**And love me when I'm gone**_

_**Everything I am  
**__**And everything in me  
**__**Wants to be the one  
**__**You wanted me to be**_

_**I'll never let you down  
**__**Even if I could  
**__**I'd give up everything  
**__**If only for your good**_

_****__**So hold me when I'm here  
**__**Right me when I'm wrong  
**__**You can hold me when I'm scared  
**__**You won't always be there  
**__**So love me when I'm gone  
**__**Or maybe I'm just blind...**_

Patton went back out to the battle and I looked at the nurse. She smiled at me and left, sending in a black haired nurse to replace her. My eyes widened at the sight of the Asian nurse. I sat up the best I could. "K-Ku-Kuki?" I stuttered slowly. She looked at me and hugged me tightly. I winced and she let go quickly, looking at my injury. "What, what're you doin' here?" I asked her.

She softened her gaze and sat beside me.

"I didn't want to leave you out here in the field being protecting by nurses who weren't me." She smiled brightly and I chuckled at her. She eyed me, but smiled and hugged me gently. She held me in her arms and looked deep into my blue ocean orbs.

She shook her head.

"I did the stupid thing and followed you here. You did the stupid thing leaving us. We're a team Numbuh two and you left all of us. We were a broken team and I'm here to tell you it was not right to come here. Even if you thought it was, I'm telling you it wasn't. Can we just return home? We can take Patton and leave." She had water in her eyes and she pleaded to me. I looked at her sadly and looked at my chest. The pain was still stinging. "Numbuh two? Hoagie?" Kuki whispered to me. I looked at her again and nodded. She smiled and kissed my cheek, making me blush. "That's for cooperating. Now all we have to do is find the others." She then pondered on the problem.

"Others? I thought we were just getting Patton."

She shook her head.

"No. I wasn't the only one to come. Everyone came. Nigel, Wally, Ab-"

"WHAT! ? ABBY'S HERE! ?" I stood up shakily and looked around the tent. I stuck my head out and saw Patton running back with a blonde at his heels. The two teenagers entered and panted heavily. Kuki looked at them and sat them down. She smoothed out the blonde's hair and he thanked her. I looked around in the large tent. I could hear a scream coming from the next space over.

I peaked in to see a bald Brit, holding his leg as it bled heavily.

My breaths slowed and I slowly made my way to him.

"N-Nigel?" I whispered.

He looked up and motioned for a blonde teenage girl to clean him up. She smiled at me and I looked shocked to see her as well. "Rachel? ! Wh-what are all you doing here? And Nigel. What happened?" I said quickly.

"We came to be on the same team as you. We're a team Numbuh two and will always be a team, no matter what we're in. And this happened when I was out in the field." I mouthed an apology and he smiled. But it faded as Rachel began fixing him up.

She looked back at me.

"Fanny and Abby are the only ones still out in the field. Get Wally and Pa-"

"No. I'll go get them." I raised myself up and stiffly walked out of the tent, holding a gun up. Several enemy soldiers tried to get in my way, but one bullet brought them down like a mighty oak. I was scared being out in the open, wounded, and searching for a certain something.

I covered my head as a blast sounded ahead of me.

"Gilligan! Get back into the tent!" I heard the rough, raspy voice of Patton. I ignored his calls and ran through the crowd of camouflage covered men and woman. Red, fiery hair stuck out from under a helmet. I turned the girl around and a snarl formed on her face. But it quickly loosened and I pointed to the tent.

"Hurry! Get to the tent. I gotta find Abs and then we're outta here!"

She nodded and Patton shoved her inside.

My heart pounded in my chest and blood began spilling as I tripped and cut the wound open once more. I held it tightly. Patton stood before me, just a blur. A chocolate skinned girl stood next to him and she leaned down and looked at my face. "Hoagie! Please don't you dare go away from Abby. We love you too much for you to just die. Everything's gonna be alright, baby." She tapped Patton and the two lifted me up. They carefully weaved their ways to the tent and Kuki gasped at the sight.

Wally and Fanny sat in between the curtains, looking at Nigel, then back to me.

"I failed. I knew this was stupid. I'm nothing but a fa-"

"Now, you listen to Abby. You did everything you thought was right. You tried and that's all that matters." I shook my head at her and she frowned. Kuki placed many ointments on my wound and rubbed it gingerly. I winced a little, but shook it off.

"But I didn't become something that all you wanted me to be. A hero." I sighed.

Wally glared at me and stood up, positioning his gun to face out the tent.

"You are a hero Hoagie. You didn't let us down, you made us realize that we can always be a team no matter what happens." Wally spoke in an Australian accent. I shook my head and looked up at Patton. He bent down and hugged me brotherly.

"We'll always hold you up my friend." Was all he said.

He moved away and sat next to Fanny. I glanced up at Abby. She smiled down at me and slapped my arm. I grabbed it and said, "OW! What was that for?" She frowned and grabbed my face. I watched her eyes move, looking at me up and down.

"You were wrong. So, so, so wrong, that I was scared of how this would turn out. Abby loves you Hoagie. You are her friend and she told you she didn't want you to go." She laid my head in her lap and starting rocking me back and forth. This wouldn't last. I knew it. Nothing is here forever, so this wouldn't last.

Abby turned her eyes back on me.

"You will be gone someday, but not because of this. Abby will love you when you're gone, but so will everyone else." She rubbed her hands through my auburn locks. "Abby loves you Hoagie Pennywhistle Gilligan Jr. She will always love you, even when you're gone." She kissed my cheek and 'awws' erupted all around the tent.

_**So hold me when I'm here  
**__**Right me when I'm wrong  
**__**Hold me when I'm scared  
**__**And love me when I'm gone  
**___

_**Everything I am  
**__**And everything in me  
**__**Wants to be the one  
**__**You wanted me to be**_

_**I'll never let you down  
**__**Even if I could  
**__**I'd give up everything  
**__**If only for your good  
**___

_**So hold me when I'm here  
**__**Right me when I'm wrong  
**__**You can hold me when I'm scared  
**__**You won't always be there  
**__**So love me when I'm gone  
**__**Love me when I'm gone...**_

I had cried all day when I had heard the bad news.

My father was killed in a plane raid and went down with his aircraft. It broke my heart to hear that my dad was never coming back. I was six years old for Pete's sake! I don't deserve to have lost my father. I wiped my eyes and brought out an old inner tube.

I dusted her off and looked at it. My dad said to me to remember what he's told me. He told me to believe in Farfentuben and to follow what's right to me. I knew he wouldn't be proud of what I did. It wasn't the right thing to do, but I know what's right now. To go home with my friends, and Abby.

She looked at me and I pulled her face down and kissed her.

We broke apart and I sat up slowly.

"Abby. I'm not always gonna be here, but when I'm gone promise me you'll still love me." I gave her pleading eyes and she nodded. I smiled up at her. She then whispered something into my ear.

"Abby'll always love you. She just told you she would and she'll love you now and when you're gone."

She smiled warmly at me and we kissed again. Our friends looked at us with smiles on their faces. Rachel pulled back the curtain and her and Nigel grinned at the scene.

_She will love me when I'm gone. _

_But she loves me when I here now._

_**Love me when I'm gone  
**__**When I'm Gone  
**__**When I'm Gone  
**__**When I'm Gone**_

* * *

**A/N: Hope you liked this and remember, FARFENTUBEN! Oh, and to REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW!**

**Thanks tons!**


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